Author Topic: Less clean jokes: adults only  (Read 69320 times)

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Quiggs

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #30 on: September 30, 2010, 12:28:56 AM »
Guy walks into a Chemists and asks for some Viagra, The chemist says I need some Medical proof. Guy says " here's a photo of my wife"   :D
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Quiggs

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #31 on: September 30, 2010, 12:48:12 AM »
    A teacher  asks a class to name things that end with 'tor' that eats things. the first boy says "alligator". "Very good, that's a big word". The second says "Predator". "Yes that's another good example, Well done". Little Johnny says "Vibrator. Miss". After nearly falling of her chair, she says "that's a big word, but it does not eat anything".          " Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow"   :leer:
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Quiggs

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #32 on: September 30, 2010, 04:32:14 PM »
I must have really annoyed my wife when I tried Erotic Asphyxiation, She's been lying there ever since giving me the silent treatment.  :twoface:
Dictum Meum Pactum

Paddy

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #33 on: September 30, 2010, 06:22:05 PM »
My wife just rang to say Gavin from Autoglass has just been and injected his resin into her crack. I'm not normally suspicious, but I've got the car...

Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #34 on: September 30, 2010, 06:37:07 PM »
There are two blondes playing golf. One tees off and hits a man as hes walking to the next hole. He immediately clasps his hands over his crotch and falls to his knees in pain.

The two blondes run over and ask him if he is all right. He says that he is fine, but the blondes insist on helping him. They unzip his pants and begin to massage his crotch.

After a while one blonde asks if it feels better, and he says, "That felt good, but my hand still hurts like crazy!"
 L0L L0L L0L

Merddin Emrys

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #35 on: September 30, 2010, 06:37:47 PM »
I went to a wedding some time ago and I was sat next to this lovely old lady and she whispered in my ear ' I'm very sorry but I've very quietly broken wind ))* what do you think I should do?'  I said ' buy some new batteries for your hearing aid!'  L0L
A pigeon is for life not just Christmas

Merddin Emrys

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #36 on: September 30, 2010, 06:47:48 PM »
I was in a bar once and at the other end of the bar was this stunning dark haired girl, I was looking her way and she sneezed and I saw a glass eye heading towards me :o  Well I managed to catch it and walked over to take it back to her, 'here you are' I said 'I don't think anyone noticed'  'Thanks' she said ' let me buy you a drink ' . Then she said 'lets go to a fancy restaurant, my treat' So of we went and had a great meal, then she said 'its getting late, we'll stop at a top class hotel'  (was it the Clarence?) so the next morning I said to her ' do you treat all the men like this?'  'No' she said 'you just happened to catch my eye!'   _))*
A pigeon is for life not just Christmas



Fester

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #37 on: September 30, 2010, 11:33:23 PM »
A grossly overweight woman goes to the gym ... and says,
''can you recommend an exercise, which is not too stenuous, which will help me lose weight quickly''?

The instructor says,
''Yes, shake your head slowly and rhythically from side to side''

Sounds simple ..''how often do I need to this'' she asks?

Answer came..   ''everytime someone offers you food, you fat cow''


Fester...
- Semper in Excretum, Sole Profundum Variat -

Quiggs

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #38 on: October 01, 2010, 12:02:32 AM »
A friend has invented explosive Prayer Mats, they are selling like hot cakes. Prophets are going though the roof.   WWW
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Blongb

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #39 on: October 10, 2010, 07:53:40 PM »
As he finishes a fabulous State Dinner at the Vatican, is it true the Pope passes round the under 8's  WWW
-- Now I can only sit and stare--

Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #40 on: October 10, 2010, 08:00:34 PM »
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the bloody cup.    L0L  L0L  L0L

Fester

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #41 on: October 10, 2010, 11:19:45 PM »
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As he finishes a fabulous State Dinner at the Vatican, is it true the Pope passes round the under 8's  WWW

Funny you should say that ... but I kept mistaking the Pope-mobile for an ice cream van.

Until I saw the sign on the back saying,  ''Wouldn't Mind That Child''


Fester...
- Semper in Excretum, Sole Profundum Variat -

Pendragon

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #42 on: October 12, 2010, 08:11:03 PM »
A drunken man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. he looks over to his wife in bed and slurs
"look,look at the ugly cow I have to sleep with tonight ! "
The wife looks up from reading her book and says "thats not a cow its a sheep"
The drunk looks at his wife and says " I wasn't talking to you ! "
Only hindsight has 20/20 vision
Angiegram - A romantic notion derived from the more mundane truth.

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

TheMedz

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #43 on: October 12, 2010, 10:49:53 PM »
Rainbow but not quite as I remember it!

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« Last Edit: October 12, 2010, 10:53:29 PM by TheMedz »

Trojan

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Re: Less clean jokes
« Reply #44 on: October 13, 2010, 09:12:03 PM »
  _))*