Three Towns Forum

Members' Lounge => Games, Jokes & Quizzes => Topic started by: Pendragon on October 17, 2010, 04:51:43 pm

Title: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 17, 2010, 04:51:43 pm
My youngest was 10years old, He went to a christening over in Ireland. He was with his Nain and Taid. He asked if it was ok to sit with his Aunty, his Nain replied "Yes of course". He quietly went and sat down, The Church was full and above the silence my lad turned to his Aunty and said "erm....Gemma....are you a Catholic or a Prostitute? Needless to say his Nain was horrified.   L0L  _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 17, 2010, 05:05:08 pm
Putting your foot in it.

I remember one night working behind the bar. It was a very busy night and we had a live band on so it was really noisy. A woman came in with her friends. She was very small (vertically challenged)  She asked my name, I told her, she replied my name is Angie too.She then asked my sur name again I told her. Then she said "oh my sur name is Jones, but my friends call me Midget" I leaned over towards her and said "you what..your mates call you Midget...thats not very nice" With a scowl on her face and obviously p****d off she said "No, my mates call me Bridget !!!!"
I had to run upstairs I was laughing so much. She ignored me when I returned and who can blame her.  _))* _))* _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 20, 2010, 06:54:26 pm
This is a true story, involves my friend Steves Uncle. we'll call him Bob

Two years ago Steves Uncle attended the firms office xmas party. Everyone was enjoying the free bar. At the end of the night Bob noticed a man slumped on his chair, obviously hammered. Bob didn't know him that well but knew he lived just around the corner from the Venue.  He got the guy to his feet and placing the guys arm round his shoulders proceeded to escort him home, this took longer than Bob thought as the guy was more drunk than Bob had anticipated and kept falling over all the time.  Bob finaly made it to the house, he knocked on the door.  The guys wife looked rather shocked when she opened the door. Bob explained the guy was to drunk to get a taxi so he had walked him home.
"thats very nice of you Bob" the wife said "but, where's his wheelchair"  ;D _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on October 20, 2010, 08:00:37 pm
 L0L _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 20, 2010, 08:11:44 pm
This was a true story printed in a magazine
It reads :
My husband was in the kitchen when my 6yr old son came bouncing in with his little friend Corey. "Dad, Dad erm.....j'know that thing when you sleep on top of each other, whats it called ?" My husband was a little embarrased but deciding to do the right thing he explained the basics of the birds and bees. Looking a little confused my son and his friend went back out to play, 30 minutes later they returned and my little lad turned to his dad and said " Dad that thing we said, is called Bunk beds and Coreys mum wants to have a word with you"  L0L

Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 20, 2010, 09:32:02 pm
My Dad told me this about a guy called Trevor Hen in Pen.

Trevor was working for a construction company some years ago, the job was to gut a building Trevor was the labourer.  All the debris was to be put on the pavement outside.  A couple of hrs later the police turned up and informed the foreman that the rubble on the pavement had to be disposed of in a skip as it was causing an obstruction on the pavement. A skip was ordered and Trevor was then told to shovel everything from the pavement into the skip.  Trevor noticed that a joist needed to be chopped up to fit in the skip, he went back into the building and without asking took a saw from the joiners tool box and started to saw the joist. Now Joiners can be rather teritorial over their tools and when the joiner returned from his break and realised that Trevor was using his saw he went mad and shouted at Trevor.  At the end of the day the joiner came out and saw poor Trevor still shovelling rubble into the skip he turned to him and said "I tell you what Trevor lend us a spade and I'll give you a hand" "F*ck off" said trevor "you wouldn't lend me your saw"  :P
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 24, 2010, 06:11:01 pm
Lock in

My sister used to live with us in the pub and Id always warned her about locking up at the end of a shift, I explained that before turning lights off and locking up, make sure no one was lurking behind doors etc (it happens).  On this particular occasion there had been a wake in the Albion so it had been very busy.  At the end of the night my sis and I sat down to have a beer, as we sat there discussing the days events, we could hear banging coming from the toilets. Now we hadn't been living there long and were aware of all the ghost stories(the Albion is without doubt haunted but thats another story)
feeling a little spooked we made my hubby go and check. Off he went down the corridor to the locked toilet area, the next thing a fella walked up the corridor, his shirt all creased and his hair standing up on one side where he'd obviously been asleep leaning on the toilet wall then woken up and realised he was locked in.  As he passed us sat in the bar he turned to my sis and I and said "I've heard of a lock in but this is bloody ridiculous"  we couldn't help but laugh.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 24, 2010, 09:02:03 pm
Jimmy Carr

I was watching the Jimmy Carr dvd the other night and he was talking about when he did a gig in Llandudno, he said he walked on stage and shouted " Good evening Clandudno! " A guy in the audience shouted "It's not Clandudno, in Wales the L is pronounced Ll " Jimmy shouted back " Ok don't be a Lunt about it " _))* _))*  L0L

Where you there ?
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on October 25, 2010, 06:04:20 am
Where you there ?

No, but I wish I had been.  L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 27, 2010, 03:54:17 pm
This was published in a magazine.

A young woman had been on the staff night out, they had been to the local pub and then for a curry before calling it a night. The next morning the woman woke up with a hangover from hell and of course deli belly.  She had no time to use the toilet through fear of being late. She jumped into her car and began her journey to work. As she was running late she put her foot down. As she hurtled along the road she suddenly noticed a police car behind her, his lights flashing. She pulled over, the police car stopped and out stepped the officer. Unable to stop herself she let rip with a fart in the car. As the officer approached she wound down the window. The officer poked his head in the window and immediatly withdrew, he pulled out his notebook and began to write. Without uttering a word he looked at the woman and put the note on her windscreen he got back in his car and drove off. The woman was confused so she got out of her car and got the note from the windscreen. To her embarrassment the officer had written " please watch your speed in future, I will not prosecute today as sitting in that stink is punishment enough!!!!"

My God you'd die wouldn't you  _))* _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on October 27, 2010, 05:23:09 pm
  _))* That's a good one.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Fester on October 28, 2010, 01:26:19 am
The vast majority of women would die of embarrassment...
The vast majority of men would be so proud they would want EVERYONE to know !!

Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 28, 2010, 01:35:21 am
The vast majority of women would die of embarrassment...
The vast majority of men would be so proud they would want EVERYONE to know !!


Yep know what you mean, My Hubby always tries to deny it but he can't help but giggle. I reckon that's why he's tall,  it's his face trying to stay as far away from his ass as possible.  D)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 02, 2010, 12:24:19 pm
This was reported in the new york times

Having a bad day ?

A MAN was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.

After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home.

After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm. Now THAT is a bad day...  _))* L0L L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 02, 2010, 12:27:25 pm
Only in America

A CHARLOTTE, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against (get this) fire! Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued — and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that the cigars would be insured against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire, it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company grudgingly accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in the fires. After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one-year terms.

So don't piss off your insurance company!
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 02, 2010, 12:36:25 pm
Cringe worthy

This is just too funny not to share. Taken from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2, 1999.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately.

The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:

"IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING."
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 02, 2010, 12:54:33 pm
A lesson for xmas reported in News Paper

"The Pregnant Turkey"

ONE YEAR at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven. She removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, You've cooked a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yep, you got it....

SHE'S BLONDE!

Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: DaveR on November 02, 2010, 12:56:44 pm
You'd have thought the robbers would have wondered why vanilla pudding was being stored in a bank vault?  :laugh:  _))*

Seriously though, it's a fake story:
http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/sperm.asp (http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/sperm.asp)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 02, 2010, 01:05:47 pm
You'd have thought the robbers would have wondered why vanilla pudding was being stored in a bank vault?  :laugh:  _))*

Seriously though, it's a fake story:
http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/sperm.asp (http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/sperm.asp)

I prefer the term Urban Myth Dave  ;D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Bellringer on November 02, 2010, 05:22:01 pm
I think the one about the Bristol car park attendant on "Oscar" is fake also - if my memory serves me right it was a topic on the old forum.

www.hoax-slayer.com/bristol-zoo-car-park-hoax.shtml (http://www.hoax-slayer.com/bristol-zoo-car-park-hoax.shtml)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 02, 2010, 11:19:46 pm
I think the one about the Bristol car park attendant on "Oscar" is fake also - if my memory serves me right it was a topic on the old forum.

www.hoax-slayer.com/bristol-zoo-car-park-hoax.shtml (http://www.hoax-slayer.com/bristol-zoo-car-park-hoax.shtml)
Do you think the one with the queen is fake?

I believed the April fools years ago on the news with the Monkey in London zoo. It mimiked everything you did and had a funny nose. I didn't believe that spaghetti grew on trees however  ???
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 03, 2010, 06:19:37 pm
Peg Leg.

One thing I loved about the Albion was the local characters who came in. This is a story about 2 of them.

John Peg (has a false leg) some of you may be familiar with him, I personally think the world of him. Will Owen ( a popular welsh singing man from town)  has sinced passed away, he was a great guy.  It was summer and the two of them were sat in the bar having a minor argument nothing serious, I could see John Peg becoming more irate with Will Owen. I could see John fiddeling with his false leg as he began shouting at Will.  Next thing John had his false leg in his hand, he took a swing at Will and hit him over the head with it. Will retaliated and smacked John on the nose. I know it sounds terrible but you had to be there it was really funny. A woman asked if I was going to barr them both. My answer was "Not a chance you can't pay for that type of entertainment". Two minutes later they were both friends again.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 03, 2010, 07:38:19 pm
If you think our Council has no idea take a look at these feats of stupidity.

To deter vandals, the local council erected an 8ft-high fence around Bigyn Primary School in Carmarythenshire.  Then 350 people signed a petition claiming that a stunning hilltop view over the Gower Peninsula had been spoiled.  The solution favoured by the council: Spend £50,000 raising the height of the 200-foot hill by 10 feet.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Fester on November 03, 2010, 10:15:51 pm
Ha ha ... priceless,  and I expect that John wasn't the only person to be legless in the Albion Angie?

Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 04, 2010, 01:24:01 am
Ha ha ... priceless,  and I expect that John wasn't the only person to be legless in the Albion Angie?


Seriously it was really comical, I still laugh with him about it now mate  :D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 07, 2010, 05:23:41 pm
Kangaroo

When europeans first landed in Australia they were obviously not familiar with the wildlife. One of the settlers saw an animal hopping by and asked an aborigine what it was, the aborigine answered it was a Kangaroo. Thing is Kangaroo translated to aborigine means " I don't know"  _))* _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 12, 2010, 05:29:05 pm
Yancie and the Chicken

On my way to work this morning and I met Yancie a lad from Conwy. We were laughing about a time around 5 years ago,
I'd gone on a hen night to blackpool and the Hubby was running the pub for the night, there was a rugby game on England v France. There I was rather the worse for wear when I recieved a phone call from the Hubby saying Yancie had bought a chicken into the pub.  "A chicken" I said  thinking I'd not heard him right with the all the noise "Yes a chicken" he replied, thinking Yancie had been to the chippy for it (we had a no food policy at the time) I said "well as long as he puts the papers in the bin it's not a problem" "Ang I don't think you understand, this chicken is jumping all over the tables!" Hubby replied. There was nothing I could do but tell the Hubby to ask Yancie and the chicken to leave.  When I got home the first thing I did was check the cameras and sure enough there was a picture of Yancie coming into the Albion with a Welsh flag tucked under his arm, poking out from under the scarf was the bloody chicken.  I printed off the photo so Yancie was banged to rights. I also printed off a couple of others, of the chicken jumping round the lounge and on the tables. I had no choice but to bar him for a month.  I had to laugh though its not something you see every day and no harm came to the chicken it was returned to its owner safe and sound.

Yancie said today he never understood why he was barred for a month for just for bringing his Bird in...........  _))* _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on November 14, 2010, 03:10:37 am
 L0L L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: suepp on November 16, 2010, 02:08:13 pm
 L0L
That reminds me of the time my son walked the mile or so home from the pub carrying a  large - and struggling - white cat. He was proud of himself for stopping our cat from running off, -the  trouble was it wasn't our cat! I made him take it back to where he had found it!
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 16, 2010, 11:16:32 pm
Yancie pt 2

I'll have to change the name of the lad here (I've not asked his permission) so we'll call him Billy.

Yancie was in the pub one afternoon having a pint when in walked Billy. Now Billy was the type of lad that wouldn't miss out, y'know, the kind of lad who wouldn't let it go. As I served Billy his pint, Yancie caught my eye, he pulled something from his pocket, he hid the label with his hand, licked the top and shivered as if getting a rush. Of course Billy "hawk eye" had noticed this too. "what's that Yance" Billy asked "ah nothing, got it from the doctors, Gives you like a burst of energy" Yance said winking at me and smiling. "let me have some Yance" Billy pestered "come on let me try it" "No, mate sorry" Yancie laughed. Billy kept on. Yancie in the end agreed but said he was holding the container. Billy was excited, he held out his tongue and Yancie rubbed it on. The next thing Billy was jumping round the bar, his eyes watering, flapping his hand in front of his mouth. He grabbed his pint, swallowed his pint then ran from the pub. I asked Yancie what the "rub" was  "fiery Jack"  he laughed. Shame I'm sure Billy was crying  L0L _))* (I was laughing too though I'm ashamed to say..............not)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 17, 2010, 05:36:57 pm
Revels

I was sitting quietly eating a big bag of revels watching the tv one night. Hubby kept pinching sweets from the bag then whinging as he kept picking out the coffee ones "ah I hate the coffee and orange ones" he kept saying spitting them out into the bin. He was doing my head in! So I took the bag off him "give them here, I'll sort some out for you (snigger snigger). I began sifting through them. "theres a toffee one, and another" I said as I passed him the sweets, I sorted him out about 10 toffee ones. "thanks Ang" he said. He threw the hand full I'd given him into his mouth. I started laughing as he began to chew. His face changed when he realised I'd sorted him out all the Coffee and Orange ones. He ran to the bin to spit them out. I found it highly amusing, he wasn't impressed at all. At least he left me to eat the rest of the bag in peace.  Shame............I do love him really. _))* _))* _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Fester on November 17, 2010, 05:40:32 pm
Revels eh?    See the niggles thread.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 17, 2010, 06:08:45 pm
Revels eh?    See the niggles thread.
Yeah Fester, just read it now, never needed to re-seal the packs to be honest.  I like the way the market the big bags, as if your going to share your munchies with the kids and their friends.  Not a chance. Sweets aren't good for kids anyway are they?  WWW :twoface:
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 23, 2010, 06:48:20 pm
My first pet.

Every now and again I think about my first dog, she was beautiful the cutest little dog you've ever seen. We got her from the kennels in Pen, she was a cross between a cairn terrier and a poodle. She was a mass of curly, long blonde fur all you could see was her little black nose.  My eldest was 4yrs at the time so as you do I let him chose the name, he chose Shaggy.  It seemed a really fitting name ,so I agreed, completely oblivious of how embarrassing the name Shaggy could be and believe me it was embarrassing!
There was the time we couldn't find her in the woods by our house, I was running round shouting "Shaggy, Shaggy here girl" with other dog walkers looking at me weird. 
Shaggy never had a lead, she always stayed one step behind me, she'd walk up to school with us everyday, on one occasion she was on heat though and I didn't realise, I honestly thought the Jack Russell that stalked me for days.......and it was days...everytime I left the house, there it was sitting on the hill by the station, tail wagging ....well I thought it was just wanting to be friends. When I realised, I kept Shaggy in the house. One day on returning from school, there was the Jack Russell waiting on the hill as usual. Not realising Shaggy was lying in wait, I opened the door.  Out she ran and flew up the hill.  Next thing you know, their at it!!  They got "stuck together", I didn't know this happened, until a guy called Phil came over laughing and informed me " I'll need a bucket of water to separate them" he said  I ran in the house and came back with the water. Phil said "which one is yours". "the little white female" I said pointing toward the yelping pair. "shame....what's her name?" he said.
 "erm.........Shaggy" I muttered  "ha ha ha "he laughed "she has been now"  I kid you not I wanted to die.
 $lol$
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on November 24, 2010, 04:37:32 pm
Bing Crosby

The story is told, apocryphal no doubt, of the DJ working on a small and remote radio station in Scotland midway through his programme late at night on 1 October 1977. News came to the station that Bing Crosby had died (the station producer happened to be on the phone to the States and picked the word up almost as it occurred). The DJ thought he could possibly be the first person in the UK to publicly announce the death, so he put on a long track and rushed off to record library to get an old recording to play. Upon returning, nervously excited by now, he put the first record onto the turntable without looking at it and broke into the record then playing with a sombre voice: 'I am deeply sorry to have to inform' you listeners that I have just received news from America of a great tragedy. The legendary Bing Crosby is dead. As a humble tribute, I would like to play one of his songs,' and as he switched over to his Crosby 'selection', the melody was beamed out, 'Heaven . . . I'm in Heaven...'

 _))* _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on November 25, 2010, 08:08:14 pm
 L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Hugo on December 04, 2010, 03:03:37 pm
Yorkies stories of Portugal reminded me of my holiday in the Algarve when we stayed in a small fishing village called Carvoeiro.  The hotel was near the sea and behind it was some scrubland which lead to those cliffs that Portugal is famous for.  We explored the scrubland and came across a small circular wall that seemed to be protecting an old mine shaft but there were no warning signs there.  I could hear the sound of water below and as I didn't want to go near the shaft curiosity got the better of me and I tossed a small stone down the hole and a few seconds later heart it splash into the water.  I thought no more about it and carried on enjoying the holiday,
A few days later we had a trip on a small open boat and went along the coast until we could see our hotel. At the bottom of the cliff was a large dark cave and the boatowner took us inside the cave. Once inside this dark cavern we stopped the boat and immediately above us we could see a beam of light coming from the roof of the cave and my immediate thoughts were "Oh s**t  I hope there's  not another dickhead up there chucking stones down here"
Anyway we were ok and enjoyed the rest of the trip and the holiday but it's a lesson for next time.
It's a lovely place and I can understand why Yorkie enjoys it so much.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 08, 2010, 05:21:51 pm
My ace mate Gail

My mate Gail is a real star, the kind of mate you can always rely on to help out, always there if you need her.
One night there she was watching tv, when suddenly water started pouring into the kitchen from her neighbours flat above.  She rushed up to help out as her neighbour  is elderly.  She located the leak and phoned the plumber, however Gail is also very inquisitive. The floor boards were soaking and Gail leaned over to see how much damage had been done, as she did she missed her footing and went straight through the floor and of course her ceiling.  Her husband was downstairs and had a fit when he saw her legs dangling through the kitchen.  Her husband and the plumber managed to pull Gail up through the floor boards laughing uncontrolably. She  said her goodbyes and hobbled back down to her flat. As she came round the corner she saw a guy trying to navigate passed parked cars on the road, being Gail she offered again to help, she began guiding the car through, tripped on a pipe and butted the guys bonnet.  _))* _))*

Her exploits left her with severe bruising a swollen forehead and 3 days off work, Bless   L0L L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on December 09, 2010, 12:53:27 am
My ace mate Gail

My mate Gail is a real star

It's not Gail Starr from the Morfa is it?  8)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 09, 2010, 11:13:02 am
My ace mate Gail

My mate Gail is a real star

It's not Gail Starr from the Morfa is it?  8)
No mate it's not  ;D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 09, 2010, 02:40:21 pm
My Mum

Years ago my mother worked in the imperial hotel.  She was a waitress in the restaurant, they had a group of golfers in. One of the guys at the table was particularly rowdy. You know the kind likes the sound of his own voice and thinks he's hilarious.....but isn't. He had made various lets say inapropriate comments to my mum and a couple of other girls working the same table,  My mum bought over his meal, in this instance a steak, she placed the plate in front of this guy but as she went to walk away he began clicking his fingers and said "excuse me" my mum turned and said "yes sir" the guy looked at his steak, turned to look at my mother then looked back at the steak and said "what do you call this sh#t !" laughing and making a show. My mother looked at the guy turned to looked down at the steak then back to the guy and said
"which sh#t are you refering to".  L0L L0L

Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 09, 2010, 02:52:46 pm
My mum strikes again

As I said earlier my mum worked in the Imperial hotel. She was telling me about another time she was waiting on in the restaurant.  She was serving a large group of men (probably golfers again lol) one of them was trying to get my mums attention by snapping his fingers and calling "ay garcon, garcon" my mum turned to look at him he started laughing and shouted  "erm....can I have sex" my mum smiled back at him and said "I don't know?.......can you?"  classic

 _))* L0L _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 09, 2010, 05:11:39 pm
Arfon Taxi

Arfon the local taxi driver takes young kids to school every morning.  One morning while doing his "run" a young lad was playing up in the back of the car, he was messing around and shouting, Arfon told him to behave.  After about 2 minutes the lad started again. So Arfon looking through his mirror at the boy said "what's your name so I can tell your mother" the boy looking puzzled said "my mum knows  my name"

Kids they're  ace
 _))* L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on December 10, 2010, 06:05:30 am
 L0L L0L L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Quiggs on December 10, 2010, 01:23:06 pm
A friend of mine is a Chef. in a local hotel, he told me of an incident where one of the customers, when told by the waitress to be careful of the plates being hot, grabbed hold of the plate and said "Hot, that's not hot" The waitress had got fed up with this and told the Chef. He replied " leave it me " the next meal he gave the plates to the waitress with the instruction to give the top plate to the complaining customer, warning her to handle with the cloth in double thickness. A few moments later there was a scream from the dining room. He'd had that plate under the grill until it was almost glowing red hot. There were no more comments from the awkward one!
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Yorkie on December 10, 2010, 01:27:12 pm
That happened to me once when I complained about the temperature.  It's an old trick which I already knew about so I got the Maitre D over and told him that I did not want the meal.  He picked up the plate and the row in the kitchen could be heard all over the hotel!   Stupid prank!     >>>
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 11, 2010, 04:51:36 pm
Space Hoppers

I  was laughing the other day remembering the time we bought the youngest (then 3yrs old) a space hopper for xmas.  He came running down the stairs to see what father xmas had brought. He was really excited when he saw the big space Hopper in the corner "ah yes I love them" he shouted and ran over and jumped on the hopper, then bounced up in the air and landed behind the tv. All we could see was two legs waggeling. I couldn't help him for laughing.  L0L L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Yorkie on December 11, 2010, 04:56:49 pm
Now that could have been worth £250 with "You've been framed"!                                    _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 11, 2010, 05:17:42 pm
Kirby Hoovers

Does any one remember Kirby hoovers. "the rolls royce of vacuming". My dad used to sell them in the 80s.  They did just about everything from washing the carpet to polishing.
They had a tube on them so that if you lost a diamond from your ring or a button for example, instead of being sucked up into the bag with all the dust, the diamond or other small object would instead travel up the tube and hey presto it would be saved  in this little tray at the back.  My dad thought he would demonstrate the hoover in a button factory, after all it was just what they would need...................off he went to the factory.  Explaining to the boss how handy the machine would be to his business my dad threw a load of buttons on the floor and began to hoover them all up.  He said to the boss "now all we do is open the little tray and the buttons.............." as he opened the tray the boss leaned over to witness..... a mound of mangled bits of buttons and dust.  Hence my dad did not get a sale that night  _))*

Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Yorkie on December 11, 2010, 05:22:20 pm
I remember that you could buy a small car for the same price as a Kirby!    Still in business and looking for distributors if anyone is interested.                   L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 11, 2010, 05:23:37 pm
I remember that you could buy a small car for the same price as a Kirby!    Still in business and looking for distributors if anyone is interested.                   L0L
Yeah they were about £600 in the 80s. A refirbished one now will cost £700.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: suepp on December 11, 2010, 05:29:58 pm
My Kirby is still going strong after 30 years !
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: suepp on December 11, 2010, 05:34:30 pm
My OH works for a soft drinks company. On holiday in Spain he spotted a lady embroidering names onto baseball caps. He fancied getting one with his company name and logo underneath, so he  selected the correct lettering, colours and navy blue cap and wrote down the name of the Company with "soft drinks" underneath. He paid up and arranged to collect it later. On return he discovered she had embroidered "Soft Drunks" by mistake  :laugh:

There again, as I told him at the time "If the cap fits......"
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: suepp on December 11, 2010, 05:35:09 pm
My Kirby is still going strong after 30 years !
Could have been my dad that sold it you you    :D
his name was John *&(
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 11, 2010, 05:37:45 pm
Nah.....not my dad then.

Heavy machines aren't they as I remember it was like trying to push a donkey across the carpet.  :D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Yorkie on December 11, 2010, 05:40:58 pm
They were very good at pulling plaster off ceilings!     _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: suepp on December 11, 2010, 05:41:53 pm
I know, I can't carry mine upstairs, best cleaner I've ever used but never got round to cleaning my jewellery with it  ;D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 11, 2010, 05:47:29 pm
I remember my step mother was horrified when she hoovered the beds with it.  :o
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: DaveR on December 11, 2010, 06:09:45 pm
Didn't they used to have an office in Colwyn Bay, up by the old Dingle garage on Abergele Road?
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 11, 2010, 06:11:22 pm
Tattoos

Suepp, your tale reminds me of a school friend who was desperate for a tattoo so he did one himself  with  the help of a mirror, he was supposed to write WALES.  To this day he has SALEW on his chest.

A few years ago my Hubbie had HY tattooed on his nether regions. When he's excited it reads

Hello welcome to Wales hope you had a nice holidaY   L0L _))* L0L

(of course it's a joke)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Yorkie on December 11, 2010, 06:13:57 pm
I've seen the Kirby sign up there recently .  112 Abergele Road according to Google.   :)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 11, 2010, 06:26:42 pm
Out of the mouths of babes.

Myself and my lad were in Superdrug some years ago. My lad was around 3yrs old, he was holding my hand as we walked round the shop, I stopped to look a t the shampoos etc. Aiden let go of my hand and toddled across the aisle to an old lady (in her 70s) who was browsing the makeup counter. As I turned to call him he pulled on the old ladies arm.  She looked down at him smiling and said "yes?" he said "erm.......nat stuff is for mummies not granmas y'know" luckily she had a sense of humour.   _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on December 23, 2010, 01:21:11 am
Wasted Reindeers

New York, Dec 22 (THAINDIAN NEWS) Researchers were left stunned when they found out that reindeer deliberately seek out magic mushroom to get high.

The researchers say the consumption of the mushrooms cause the animal to behave somewhat awkwardly during the winter. The scientists believe that the animal do that to get themselves warm for the winter.

The study was published in the journal, Pharmaceutical and it is sure generate a lot of debate. After consuming the mushroom, the animal are often observed making strange noises and staggering. The scientists even claimed that herdsmen did indeed drink the urine of these “high” reindeers to also get high.

The magic mushroom is contains psychotropic hallucinogens that affects the mental state when it is consumed. It might be strange but this is not the first time that an animal has consumed the magic mushroom.

Three goats earlier this year acted strangely at their barns. When the animals were examined by vets, it was found that they had consumed some magic mushrooms which caused them to behave that way. A search was conducted around the barn and it was found that there were magic mushrooms in the barn. They were then uprooted.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on January 11, 2011, 06:54:04 pm
Ming Ming and Finlay

This is not a funny story, its an inspiring one.

Duck Teaches Disabled Boy To Walk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ljD2DaTzNk#ws)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on January 11, 2011, 11:22:00 pm
I'm having trouble writing this for laughing  L0L

"A lady picked up several items at a supermarket. When she finally got up to the check out, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the check out girl got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a business like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU BANG IN WITH A HAMMER?’

 _))* _))* _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on January 11, 2011, 11:49:52 pm
This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.

- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!

- This is a lighthouse. Your call.    _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Fester on January 27, 2011, 12:42:35 am
Take a look at this...an unsuccessful streaker.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyuUzX6Oeuc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyuUzX6Oeuc#)

Its not a joke.... but it is hilarious......   and the laughter in the background makes it even better.

Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Merddin Emrys on January 27, 2011, 07:00:17 am
brilliant  _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on January 28, 2011, 03:38:16 am
brilliant  _))*

This video has been removed as a violation of YouTube's policy on nudity or sexual content.

Luckily I saw it before it was removed.  L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Fester on January 28, 2011, 06:12:01 pm
Thats a shame, because there WAS no actual nudity,  nothing rude to see at all, or I would not have put it on here!
Totally hilarious......
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on January 28, 2011, 10:20:08 pm
aww I hate missing something  :'(
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Fester on January 28, 2011, 11:04:58 pm
Yeah you needed to see it for the full effect........but it was basically a guy who decided to run down from his hotel room to streak around a tennis court.

So his mate has him on film, he comes running down and doesn't realise that that the tennis court has a perspex door.... so he runs straight into it and bounces off!
He just picks himself up and runs (still naked) away to conceal his embarrassment.
Its not rude, and would be a brilliant clip for the telly.
 
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Fester on January 28, 2011, 11:46:04 pm
Here you go Ang,

See if this works for you...  Massive thanks to our old friend Brum Bob for this, who I am trying valiantly to tempt back into the new Forum!


      Streaker Fail - Tennis Court at Night (http://www.metacafe.com/watch/yt-8UwjmtGUsyQ/)









Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on January 29, 2011, 01:43:10 pm
 _))* _))* the muppet.............thats funny. Cheers Fester  :-*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on January 30, 2011, 02:37:43 am
Massive thanks to our old friend Brum Bob for this, who I am trying valiantly to tempt back into the new Forum!

Come back Zulu!
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on January 31, 2011, 04:52:26 pm
Question Time

My hubby loves quiz shows. Egg heads, Weakest link and now the Chaser. He sits with his feet up on the couch  a mug of coffee in his hand shouting out the answers at the tv. I'm usually glued to my laptop oblivious to him and the questions. Every now and then he'll glance in my direction with a big smug smile on his face chuffed to bits he got a hard answer correct. One night I thought I'd join in. The question was "who was shot in Dallas 1963?" Me thinking I was really clever blurted out "JR."  ??? You should have seen the look on his face, he wasn't impressed "JFK" he said "Dallas wasn't on in 1963" he sneered. So i've come to the decision he watches game shows and I come on the forum. ;D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Merddin Emrys on January 31, 2011, 05:03:34 pm
is that J R Hartley who did the book on fly fishing? I did'nt know he'd been shot  :o
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on January 31, 2011, 05:10:29 pm
is that J R Hartley who did the book on fly fishing? I did'nt know he'd been shot  :o
Nah he was saved by the yellow pages  :P
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Merddin Emrys on January 31, 2011, 11:00:09 pm
 _))* _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Ian on February 06, 2011, 09:10:02 am
This is funny. It's already had more than 27.5m views.

http://www.safeshare.tv/v/fJuNgBkloFE (http://www.safeshare.tv/v/fJuNgBkloFE)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Fester on February 06, 2011, 03:36:21 pm
It is funny...and tragic too.
I did notice that on the map Australia had been labelled Iran, and then and North Korea to mislead people a little.
Everything is not always quite what it seems..
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on February 06, 2011, 04:10:16 pm
There's a lot of truth to that clip though.

I've lost count how many times I've tried to explain that Wales isn't in Australia, or part of England.

Only a few days ago a female was inquiring as to where my accent originated. "You're from Russia - where Arnold Schwarzenegger is from".  :-X
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: brumbob on February 06, 2011, 04:17:53 pm
Doh, Arnold Schwarzenegger is from California
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on February 06, 2011, 04:52:00 pm
Doh, Arnold Schwarzenegger is from California

I thought he was from London as everyone was calling him 'Guvner.

Met him & his wife Maria a few times. Here they are at a dinner I attended: 

 
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: brumbob on February 06, 2011, 05:27:35 pm
? that looks nothing like you on the left
surgery?
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: brumbob on February 06, 2011, 05:35:11 pm
In my early teens a gang of us went round to this girls house whose parents were away
and started playing with a home made ouija board, as you do.
We were asking it all the usual questions "Is anybody there?" etc
when suddenly there was a bang and all the lights went out.
We all ran outside laughing but scared,
I never went near that house again or find out why the lights had fused.
I just pity the poor girl that had to spend the rest of the night there alone.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: DaveR on February 06, 2011, 05:36:07 pm
? that looks nothing like you on the left
surgery?
_))*  _))*  _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on February 06, 2011, 06:26:11 pm
? that looks nothing like you on the left
surgery?

Yes, but that's nothing. You should see my buddy.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Nemesis on February 20, 2011, 01:35:18 pm
Chap in a Bimmer drove straight through the toll gate on the Orme-- took the gatekeepers bollard with him and didn't manage to shed it till way up the Marine Drive.!
What a way to save £2.50 :o
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Ian on February 21, 2011, 07:45:43 am
Quote
What a way to save £2.50

And what an idiot :-)))
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Nemesis on February 26, 2011, 03:03:05 pm
http://www.examiner.co.uk/news/local-west-yorkshire-news/2011/02/26/kirklees-council-chief-executive-says-anti-cuts-protest-did-not-get-out-of-hand-despite-assault-allegation-watch-video-of-protest-here-86081-28238540/ (http://www.examiner.co.uk/news/local-west-yorkshire-news/2011/02/26/kirklees-council-chief-executive-says-anti-cuts-protest-did-not-get-out-of-hand-despite-assault-allegation-watch-video-of-protest-here-86081-28238540/)

Take notice of the policeman 58 secs into the main Video   :- Could he 'pick' you out in a crowd?
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Yorkie on February 26, 2011, 05:10:10 pm
A real "bogie" man!     L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on February 28, 2011, 05:30:00 pm
A real "bogie" man!     L0L

 L0L Dixon of Snot Green.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Yorkie on February 28, 2011, 07:45:25 pm
Got a real nose for crime!    ;D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: suepp on February 28, 2011, 11:22:59 pm
he tried to turn it into a scratch when he spotted the camera!

The chant reminded me of the Village People song "In the Navy"
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on March 17, 2011, 09:41:40 am
The funeral song

Anyone who has a mobile phone knows there's only a few places where you have to turn them off.  Such as Churches and Court for example.  I had to laugh the other day when a friend was telling me about the time he was a mourner in a full Catholic funeral.  The Church was full and everyone sat in silence as the verses from the Bible were read out.  Suddenly over the silence a mobile rang out with the ring tone "Just going to stand there and watch me burn" by Eminem and Rihanna.  How awful!  :twoface:
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: brumbob on March 17, 2011, 08:24:36 pm
 :laugh:
but then anything by Eminem and Rihanna is awful  ;)
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Merddin Emrys on March 17, 2011, 09:27:46 pm
I love that track, not normally a rap fan, but I actually have several Eminem cds and one Rhianna cd amongst all the rock stuff  :D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Nemesis on April 22, 2011, 12:53:32 pm
Walking on the front at West Shore the other day at high tide a woman stopped me and said 'Excuse me but where's the sand?' I looked at her and said' Under the sea, it is high tide.' She looked at me with her mouth open and said 'what'?

If you have noticed the glass door is broken at St David's Hospice Shop in Lloyd Street it was done by a woman on a mobility scooter who thought if she ran at it that it would open!!
This was caught on CCTV-- she then denied breaking it .


Must be the weather. ;D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on April 22, 2011, 05:05:29 pm
 L0L L0L L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on May 24, 2011, 01:39:58 pm
A few more funny stories in the news.

A man had a nasty surprise when he tried to get up from his deck chair to find his testicles had become trapped between two of the slats of wood.  Valalta Visjnic had been swimming naked off the coast of Croatia and his testicles had shrunk in the cool sea, when he sat down they slipped through the slats and then in the warm sun they had expanded back to normal size.  He was freed after he called beach maintenance staff from his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deck chair in half.

Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on May 24, 2011, 01:48:08 pm
In Denmark a patient broke wind whilst having surgery and set fire to his genitals.  The 30 year old fella was having a mole removed from his bottom with an electric knife when his attack of flatulence ignited a spark.  His genitals which were soaked in surgical spirit caught fire.  The man who is suing the hospital said "when I woke up my penis and genitals were burning like hell, besides the pain I can't even have sex with my wife"  surgeons at the hospital in Kjellerups said it was a most unfortunate accident.  _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on May 24, 2011, 01:54:39 pm
Hippo eats Dwarf.........................I know it's not funny......................yeah it is

A hippopotamus swallowed a dwarf in a freak accident at a circus in Bankok.  A circus dwarf named Od died recently when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning Hippo waiting to appear in the next act.  Vets said Hilda the Hippo had a gag reflex which caused her to swallow the dwarf.  More than 1000 spectators continued to applaud loudly until they realised there had been a tragic mistake.
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on May 24, 2011, 02:01:36 pm
Sorry I can't write this for laughing

A woman nearly bit off her husbands willy while he cooked pancakes for tea - as she gave him oral sex.
In the heat of passion he lost grip of the pan spilling hot oil down her naked back.  She clenched her teeth on his willy and he in agony bashed her on the head with the pan.  Both only admitted how they got their injuries after intense questioning by hospital staff in Carioca Roumania.  The man recieved treatment to his willy while his wife suffered burns two black eyes and a broken cheek bone.

Funny as you like  L0L
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Nemesis on May 24, 2011, 05:44:15 pm
 _))* _))* _))* _))* _))* _))*
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Trojan on May 24, 2011, 08:15:12 pm
Remind me to go out on Shrove Tuesday.  :-X
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Pendragon on October 11, 2011, 10:51:31 pm
Can you imagine what could have happened  _))*


Well ok it's another urban myth  ;D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: llanscholes on August 09, 2013, 02:30:04 pm
these are indeed very funny ;D
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: SteveH on July 08, 2017, 12:21:52 pm
First time reading this thread, very funny.....

Welsh-speaking drivers in Swansea were bemused to encounter a road sign that informed them: "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated."
Above the baffling statement on the dual-language sign was the correct wording in English: "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only".
The howler came about because a non-Welsh speaking council employee emailed the authority's in-house translation service, and took the response received as the translation being sought for the new road sign.
Brensiach!
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Blongb on March 26, 2021, 12:46:24 pm
you are going say "I didn't know that!" at least 5 times. I have always said, you should learn something new every day. Unfortunately, many of us are at that age where what we learn today, we forget tomorrow but, give it a go anyway.

Alaska

More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.

Amazon
 
The Amazon rain forest produces more than 20% of the world's oxygen supply The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.

Antarctica
 
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert; the average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.
 
Brazil
 
Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.
 
Canada
 
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning ' Big Village'.
 
Chicago

Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.
 
Detroit
 
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, so named because it was the first paved road anywhere.
 
Damascus
 
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.
 
Istanbul
 
Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the World located on two continents.
 
Los Angeles
 
The full name of Los Angeles is: l Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula -- and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.
 
New York City
 
The term 'The Big Apple' was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930s who used the slang expression 'apple' for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City Is to play the big time - The Big Apple.

There are more Irish in New York City
than in Dublin, Ireland;
more Italians in New York City
than in Rome, Italy;
and more Jews in New York City
than in Tel Aviv, Israel .
 
Ohio
 
There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio, every one is man-made.
 
Pitcairn Island
 
The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4,53 sq Km.
 
Rome
 
The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy (in 133 B.C.)

There is a city called Rome on every continent.
 
Siberia
 
Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.
 
S.M.O.M.


The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world Is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta S.M.O.M). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, and has an area of two tennis courts. And, as of 2001, has a population of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.
 
Sahara Desert
 
In the Sahara Desert , there is a town named Tidikelt, Algeria, that did not receive a drop of rain for ten years. Technically, though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million years

Spain
 
Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits'.
 
St. Paul , Minnesota
 
St. Paul , Minnesota , was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre 'Pig's Eye' Parrant who set up the first business there.
 
Russia

The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia. It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles.) It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen - so massive that the mud coming from the hole was boiling with it.
 
United States
 
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
 
Waterfalls
 
The water of Angel Falls (the world's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters.) They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls .
 
 
    

Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: DVT on March 26, 2021, 02:09:45 pm
Some useful snippets for our next family zoom quiz !!!

A old friend of mine always used to say a day without learning was a day wasted ... one problem I have is that over the past 70 years a lot of into has gone into my head and it has become so jumbled up and misfiled that I can no longer find it when I need it !!!
Title: Re: Funny true stories
Post by: Hugo on March 26, 2021, 06:55:48 pm
Welcome to the club DVT          ;D